Romance in the Little Things

Today is my fifteenth wedding anniversary. At fifteen years, we're past the honeymoon phase and we're well into married life.  We have three children together and we're in the phase of life where the kids take the majority of our focus and attention.  We talk about the past and when it was just the two of us and we look forward to the future when it will be the two of us again, but different this time, yet we enjoy the stage of life we're in - even when it's crazy.

I've been thinking lately about the difference in romance when someone is dating and when they're married.  I think that often romance changes when you're married.  When we were dating it wasn't uncommon for Joel to buy me flowers, always red roses, but he bought me more flowers in the four plus years we dated than he has in our fifteen years of marriage.  Why?  Because things change.  To be honest, I don't miss those big gestures.  I try to focus on finding the romance in the little things.

I find romance in working side by side with Joel, whether that's doing dishes or yard work or cooking.  I find it when I see him lovingly teach our children or spending time with them.  I find it when we're sitting on the couch with three little ones sprawled all over the top of us as we watch a movie together.  I find it when we climb into bed at night, completely exhausted, but secure in the knowledge that he's right next to me.

It's in the friendship we have and the knowledge we have of each other.  It's watching his face as he talks and, even though his voice doesn't change, I can tell that he's feeling strong emotions by the way he holds his mouth.  It's being able to laugh together often.  It's a small touch on the arm or the back as we pass each other.  It's talking late into the night because he's still the person I want to tell everything!  It's him knowing that I don't like onions and ordering our meal without it just for me.  It's knowing that compliments don't come easy for him, so I treasure each one he gives me because I know it was sincere.

It's caring for one another.  It's taking care of each other in sickness and in health.  He's nursed me after I had my wisdom teeth out, after I had each baby, after I had my gall bladder taken out and through more mild sicknesses like flu, colds and bronchitis, not to mention the times I had to get stitches.   I've nursed him through gall bladder issues, diverticulitis, pneumonia and the common illnesses.  He knows that when I'm sick, I want him to take the kids somewhere and just let me rest.  I check on him when he's sick and keep the kids out of his hair.

It's loving each other for richer or poorer.  We've had our financial issues - mostly caused by our own poor decisions and yet we've pulled through them.  We've never been rich, but we've been blessed.  We had to learn the hard way in a lot of instances, but we learned together.

It's loving for better or worse.  We've had moments where our blessings have been so blatantly apparent that we can only praise God for them.  We've had moments where we didn't know how we were going to pull through and we could only fall on our knees and plead with God to help us through.  In both situations, we also clung to each other.  When we're happy, we celebrate together and when we mourn, we weep together.  I don't know how often he's held me while I've cried, but I also can't tell you how often he's held me as we've laughed with sheer joy.

I was only nineteen when I made those vows to my husband, but I meant every single word.  I plan on being with this man until death parts us.  Our romance may have altered through the years, but it's still alive and active.  I'm so thankful for the fifteen years we've been blessed with and pray that God gives us many more.

Mother's Day

I found myself in a very grumpy mood this mother's day.  It's not because my family forgot about Mother's Day.  My kids and husband gave me a bicycle, a helmet and a seat and helmet for my youngest child.  My kids also gave me handmade cards, my daughter gave me a laminated book of her artwork and my son bought some things at the Awana store for me.  It was lovely.

Here's the thing, I believe that mothers should be honored.  We work hard every day and we rarely get a break.  My mom worked hard for us and would still do anything for us.  My grandma was right beside her, helping out with us any way she could.  I want to take time to honor them and thank them for everything they have done and still do.

What upset me was stupid!  It was something that was not important.  In the grand scheme of things, it didn't matter at all, but it bothered me that there is no good way to celebrate mother's day.  If you go out to eat, you have to wait forever.  If you eat at home, the moms somehow end up working.  If you pick up something, you end up settling for something that nobody really wants.  I feel like every year we end up doing something that no one is really excited about, it's just what's easiest.

Later, I realized how selfish and shallow my reasoning for my crankiness was.  I have so many blessings.  I have three wonderful children who were so excited to share Mother's Day with me.  I know so many people who would love to have children, but for one reason or another have not been able to so far.  I have an amazing family that I was able to spend the day with.  I have friends who were missing their mothers this Mother's Day.  They would have been happy to grab anything with their moms just one more time.  When I started realizing this, it's amazing how quickly my attitude changed.  Instead of being cranky about having to settle on our dinner options, I was thankful for all the blessings in my life.  I know that someday my children may not live close to me.  I know that someday I may not have my grandma or mom around anymore.  I need to embrace these moments instead of griping about things that don't matter.

Once I changed my attitude, I was able to appreciate the day.  I was thankful for the thoughtful gifts that my children, parents and grandparents gave me.  I was thankful for the phone call from my nieces.  I enjoyed watching my children and my nieces play in my grandparent's backyard.  They got to learn games that I played as a child and I found myself laughing as I watched them play.  I enjoyed time talking with my family and playing games with them.  By the time I went to bed that night, my grumpiness had completely evaporated and it had been replaced by gratitude.  It's amazing how quickly my attitude can adjust once I focus on what's important and stop dramatizing what is ultimately unimportant.

Fictional Characters

All characters and events are purely fictitious.  Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental.

I've seen this in books before and I understand why it's there.  If someone happens to have the same name or a similar name and it appears like the character could be based on them, people are all too willing to sue.  Just look at the lady who wanted to sue Disney over the movie Frozen because she claimed it was her life story.  

I've never put this in the front of my books.  I've always kind of figured it was implied seeing as the book is a work of fiction and fiction by definition means it's not true, it's made up, it's all imaginary.  So I was a little surprised when my dad jokingly asked if he was the model for Georgia's dad in Smell the Roses.  If you haven't read that book, Georgia's dad is not a very nice person.  Almost every scene I wrote with him in it, I was gritting my teeth,  because I just couldn't stand him.  It shocked me because I wondered if other people might think that he was based on my dad.  My instinctive reaction was a firm, "NO!"  My dad said, "Where did you get him?"  I said, "Out of my imagination, Dad.  He doesn't exist.  He's a fictional character."  My dad is the exact opposite of Georgia's dad.  He was always very supportive, very loving.  He never treated one of us better than the others.  When we were in trouble, we knew it was because he loved us that he disciplined us.  He wanted us to learn from our errors and grow from them.  

My dad's question made me realize that maybe others out there wonder if my characters are based on my family or my friends.  The answer is no.  I've never had a certain person in mind when writing a character.  I've said before that my characters seem to take on a life of their own.  I don't think I could mold them into someone else even if I wanted to and I really don't want to.  I love my characters the way they are, flaws and all.  

The other question I've heard is whether the love interests are based on my husband.  Or even worse, if they're my dream men, as if I settled when I married my husband and wish he was more than what he is.  Just like all the rest of my characters, the men are not based on anyone.  They are products of my overactive imagination.  The truth is, I wouldn't trade Joel for any of these guys.  When I write them I'm not thinking, "I wish Joel were more like this."  Although sometimes when I write them I do think, "Thank You, Lord, that Joel isn't like this."  As much as I've enjoyed writing Jeff, Mark and Travis, they each have their own flaws and issues and honestly I'm glad I only have to deal with their issues on paper.

So if you're ever reading through my books and think, "This sounds a lot like so and so.  I wonder if she based this character on them."  The answer is no.  My characters are their own little entities.

Juggling Life

It's a common theme in today's world.  How do you juggle everything in life?  How to balance work, family, kids activities, church, housework and still survive?  And that doesn't even take into account your own personal quiet time for devotions (it's not surprising that this gets dropped often) or family celebrations (birthdays, anniversaries, graduations) or hobbies (Wait!  Who has time for a hobby?)  We're so crazy busy!  It's not just me - I know because I hear it all around me.  In any given day I take my kids to school, do housework, pick the kids up from school, take kids to various activities, make dinner, go to church, put kids to bed, spend a small amount of time with my husband, do my devotions (yes, I do them at night and if you've ever seen me in the morning you'd understand why) and go to bed.  On a good day, I can squeeze in some time to write.  On a really good day, I can even knit for a while.

Here's what I've been thinking lately though.  How much of my busyness is actually useful activities and how much of it is busyness for the sake of busyness?  When I look at the list I just posted, it all seems pretty important.  I absolutely have to take my kids to school and pick them up.  I like having my kids involved in activities because it develops important skills (although I have to admit that sometimes this is the item that I desperately want to cross off my to-do list).  I enjoy my ministries at church, both the ones where I have the opportunity to serve and the ones where I am being ministered to.  I feel like it's important to be involved in my church both as a servant and also being taught and encouraged when others minister to me.  Housework is another thing that I would love to have taken off my list, but unfortunately, the nasty dishes in the sink or the piles of dirty laundry eventually need done and since I have yet to have the cleaning fairies visit my home, the task falls on me (although now that my children are getting older they help as well).  Time with my husband is a must!  If we don't have time together we drift apart which isn't good for us or our children.  I need my devotion time.  It's easy to skip - too easy - but when I keep up at it, I find myself in much better place than if I let it slide.

I don't know what the answer is.  I wish I did.  Right now, my answer is to not add anything else to the craziness.  Extra activities that aren't necessary, like parties or gatherings, are generally declined, because honestly the thought of one more thing can send me into panic mode.  The other thing is to prioritize.  Some things are more important than others and I have to let some things that I would like to do slide in order to do things that I have to do.  Lastly, I'm learning, gradually, to say no.  I can be quick to volunteer without even thinking about the time involved or if I'm even called to do it.  I'm slowly learning that I'm much more useful when I do what God wants me to do and not what others (or even I) want me to do.

This is why to date, I think Smell the Roses is my favorite book of the ones I've written.  Georgia's fast paced life resonates strongly with me.  As she finds her life picking up pace, she also finds herself sinking deeper and deeper as she frantically tries to tread water.  It makes me so thankful for the quiet moments when I can rest.  Tonight, we actually have nothing going on.  We're going to relax and spend time as a family, probably watching a movie.  These moments are precious in our hectic schedule.  There may come a day when I decide that I have to cut more out for the sake of my family, but until then, I enjoy the moments of respite and allow it to re-energize me for the busyness of tomorrow.

Finding time to write in all the busyness has been difficult.  I was hoping to have book four finished and sent to my editors by May, but that's not going to happen.  I have found that I can squeeze in time occasionally.  During my son's baseball practices and when waiting for my daughter to finish her after school activities are perfect times to bring my laptop along and write.  It gives me an hour to an hour and a half of concentrated time to write.  Maybe with these times, I can finish by the end of May.  I would love to be able to finish the three books that I have in mind for this year, but I already know which one will not get written if I run out of time.

I am excited about the progress that Isabelle's story is making.  There are so many things that I can't wait for you to catch up on with the girls from KW Consulting!  I have a new appreciation for authors who try to juggle their characters from former books in a series into one story.  Bouncing back and forth between story lines can be difficult, and I sometimes wonder if it'll be easy to follow or confusing.  I also know that if I only focus on Isabelle that readers will wonder why I didn't keep them informed about Kate, Georgia and Brooke's lives.  It's been an interesting challenge and I hope that I'm meeting it well.

Easter

I think you've all figured out by now that I love holidays in general.  I love the traditions, the time with family, and what they each represent to me.  Easter is probably the holiday that stirs the most emotion in me.  My son has commented on how it's such a happy and sad holiday all at the same time.  This time of year I 'm more likely to tear up during church and more likely to shout "Amen!".  

Last Sunday, we remembered Palm Sunday when Jesus entered Jerusalem to the cries of "Hosanna!" as the people expected Him to become their political deliverer.  They didn't understand that He was much more than that.  By Friday of the same week, He would be arrested and would hear the cries of "Crucify Him!"  

If you've never looked into the pathology of what crucifixion was like, take a moment to do a little research into it.  We're so far removed from that form of execution that we cannot possibly comprehend how horrible it was.  Our artwork has cleaned it up and sanitized it.  It was brutal, grotesque, violent, tortuous, excruciating.  In fact, I read somewhere that the word "excruciating" came from the word "crucify" because the pain was so great that they didn't have a word strong enough to express just how painful it was.  As we head towards Good Friday, just thinking about it is enough to bring me to tears.  To think that Jesus, God's Son, the Creator, the King of kings, was willing to go through that pain for me.  Worse than the pain, He felt the separation from God for the first time and that was the most agonizing part of the sacrifice He made.

Hope seemed to be gone.  After all, how can a dead man deliver anyone?  They didn't realize that the enemy was stronger, more deadly, more powerful than Rome.  He hadn't come to save Israel from Rome.  He had come to save the world from sin and death!  He defeated them both on Sunday when He rose from the dead!  

I know that to some it seems like a fairy tale - a dead man coming back to life.  Historians have backed up that the tomb was empty.  If the disciples had taken the body and were telling a lie, then they went to great lengths to protect that lie, because they gave their lives in brutal ways and never renounced their story.  I believe that they truly saw Jesus with their own eyes after His resurrection.  

Here's the bad news:  We're all sinners.  We all do wrong things.  Whether we whitewash it by calling it "mistakes" or "errors", the fact remains that each one of us has done something wrong.  We've lied or cheated or disobeyed our parents or broken traffic laws.  (Romans 3:23)  More bad news is that the penalty of sin is death.  What we earn with our sins is separation from God forever.  Without God there is no good, no light, no comfort, no hope, no love, no peace, etc.  (Romans 6:23, 2 Thessalonians 1:9)

Here's the good news:  The Philippian jailer asked Paul what he had to do to be saved.  The answer?  Believe.  "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved" (Acts 16:31)  It's not from being baptized, joining a church, giving money or hoping our good outweighs our bad.  It's simply believing.  It's "by faith through grace" that we are saved and not works. (Ephesians 2:8-9)  It's so easy and so hard.  We so want to be able to DO something, but all we have to do is confess and believe that Jesus is Lord. (Romans 10:9)

My prayer is that if you've never done this, that this Easter season, you will put your trust in Jesus.  I've never regretted following Jesus.  He's been my comfort, support and guide and there have been times that all I can do is cling to Him.  Happy Easter!  He is risen indeed!

For I know that my Redeemer lives,
    and at the last he will stand upon the earth. Job 19:25

March Madness

I love this time of year!  I love the intensity, the Cinderellas, the feeling that maybe this year could be THE year.  I love that any team could potentially win any game.  I love the overtimes, the buzzer beaters and the brackets.  

For the past twelve years or so, my family has made March Madness a big event.  We take off work for the first round (second round - however you count it).  We watch basketball all day and eat wonderful food.  We spend time together and make memories.  We fill out brackets and tease each other.  It's a time that I look forward to every year.

This year, Joel and I started celebrating March Madness early.  In May we will celebrate our fifteenth anniversary, but since May is a difficult time for us to get away, we decided to do something that we've been wanting to do.  We left the kids with the grandparents and we went to Las Vegas to the Pac-12 basketball tournament.  It was so much fun!  It was great to spend time alone together, to watch every single tournament game, to eat at restaurants that don't have a kids menu.  We had such a great time!  As much as we love our children and are thankful for them, it was so refreshing to have time without them.  And the kids didn't miss us one bit!  They were having way too much fun being spoiled by their grandparents.  

In the midst of all the madness, I've even been able to write a little bit.  I'm fairly certain that I'm way behind schedule to get three books written this year, but I'll definitely have book four written by fall of this year.  It's been interesting to write as we watch basketball, as the kids play around us, as people are cheering and yelling.  You'd think it would be distracting, but I love it.  As I'm writing this, basketball is on the TV, people are chatting, I can hear the kids' show playing in the next room and dinner is being prepared.  I love these people and this chaos.  I love this madness!

Writer's Block

My cousin got me this shirt for Christmas and I love it.  My characters sort of are like imaginary friends - scary, but true.  Yesterday, they stopped talking to me.  I sat and wrote maybe five sentences and gave up in frustration.  The dialogue seemed forced and awkward.  The story wasn't going any where.  It was frustrating.  So I closed the computer and walked away.  I'm not going to force something just to say that I had written something.  If it's hard to write, then it's time to rest.  

Here's what I'm struggling with right now.  Book four is all about Isabelle and I know where that is going.  Her story is easy to write.  I even have some exciting updates on Georgia and Kate!  Sometimes I have to physically pull myself from their stories to get back to Isabelle.  However, Brooke is not speaking to me right now.  I really don't know where she is going or what to do with her.   I keep hoping that inspiration will hit me and that all of a sudden, I'll know what I should do with her.  But for right now, she's kind of just sitting there in the story, taking up space.

I have some time set aside for writing this afternoon.  I'm hoping that Brooke will start talking to me again and that I'll be able to move her along in the story.  If not, I guess I'll move around her until she decides to tell me where to go.  Characters take on a personality of their own - or at least they should.  It's interesting to see how sometimes they just sort of take over the story.  Or in this case, drag the story down.  The thing is, I like Brooke and I enjoyed writing her story.  But her story is over.  And apparently my brain is satisfied with the ending.  My imagination is struggling to push her somewhere new.  

For now, I'll keep daydreaming, keep writing and keep hoping that I'll be able to get over this writer's block and move the story along.