Rivals

 

Recently, my husband and I took a trip with my parents and my friend to go to the PAC-12 Men's Basketball Tournament in Las Vegas. Both my husband and I graduated from the University of Arizona, and we're all big Wildcat fans. 

The very first night, the couple on right in the picture above came and sat next to us wearing gear for our arch rivals - the Arizona State Sun Devils. All of us inwardly groaned thinking about four straight days of basketball sitting side by side with our 'enemy'. But we couldn't have been more wrong!

We found out that they're a house divided with her rooting for ASU and him rooting for the U of A. We were shocked that they could make such an arrangement work. They both cheer for the other's team until they play each other - then it's every man/woman for themselves. 

Our teams did end up playing against each other during the tournament. I always try to be a considerate fan to those around me, knowing how much I hate when others are mean-spirited to opposing fans, but getting to know them made me be extra careful about how I cheered on my team. Both of us have bad stories of the other team's fans being rude, and it was so refreshing to be able to sit side by side in companionship even during an intense rivalry game. 

They come to the tournament every year, and shared their knowledge with us. Before the championship game, she told us that they sell the shirts that they give the winning team right after the game, but if you don't get down there quickly, they sell out. She then offered to go down with two minutes left in the game if it looked like the Wildcats would win and get the shirts for all of us, so that we could enjoy the celebration afterwards. True to her word, even though the game was a close one, she left with two minutes left to be first in line and watched the rest of the game on the televisions in the walkways. Because she didn't have a strong allegiance to either team in the championship game, it wasn't a big deal for her to miss out on the last couple minutes, but it meant the world to us. In the picture above, we're all wearing the shirts that she graciously got for us.

After the arena emptied, we walked through crowds of celebrating Wildcat fans. Everywhere we went we got asked where we got our shirts. We felt like celebrities and joked that we were going to make the story of how we got our shirts our 'fish' story that grew to exponential proportions every time we told it. 

Rivalries in sports can be heated, but it can also be an area where friendships grow - and can be a way to show the love of God to others. It made me think of how we often create rivalries where none need to exist. We compare ourselves to that other mom who seems to have it all together and they become our rival. Or we compare our ministry to somebody else's and feel like they get more accolades for their service. In our jobs, we can definitely feel competitive with others as they get promoted or recognized. For me, it would be easy to see writers that I met at a conference get publishing contracts, and feel some jealousy. 

It doesn't need to be this way though. God puts us where we are, gifts us in the way He determines, and has a plan for each of us that is unlike anybody else. Our new friends showed me that rivals can be respectful and friendly while working together to accomplish a goal. If it works this well in something as simple as being kind spectators at a sporting event, how much more could it work if we practiced it in everyday life?

Love & Thanks

Recently I read an article that said scientists had done a study and discovered that successful couples say one phrase more often than other couples. While I thought it might be words of encouragement or a simple "I love you", the answer was more simple. They said thank you. It's more than just a casual 'thanks' though. It's about being specific with your gratitude. So saying something like, "Thanks for making dinner tonight. I was really wiped out after such a long day, and it was nice to have dinner ready by the time I got home." Not only does it focus the attention on the good things in the relationship, it's also contagious. It doesn't take long for it to become something that both partners do.

Since the next book in the Holliday Hotel series is the Thanksgiving book, I found this very interesting. Obviously giving thanks and gratitude would have to be a feature in the book, that's a given, but maybe it needs to be a key component, not only of the situations in the plot, but of the relationship between the characters as well. Is it possible that being grateful not only keeps the relationship strong, but can it help someone fall in love in the first place? 

What if one of them felt continually unappreciated and struggled with their own value? Then having someone who noticed the things that they did and thanked them for it could get them to take notice of that person. Or maybe a character has only had superficial relationships based on shallow things that can change like looks or wealth. When someone appreciates them for what they do and who they are, they finally feel like someone knows them at a deeper level like they've always wanted. There are lots of ways to incorporate thankfulness into a romance.

It makes sense. When I think about the times I'm most upset with my husband, it's because I'm focusing on myself and all the things that are wrong instead of being grateful for all the things that he does for me and all the blessings that we have together. I truly believe that God had a plan for our relationship and designed for us to be together, so shouldn't I spend more time being grateful? 

How can we shift the focus? The article suggested studying your spouse, following them around and taking notes of what they do. Personally, I wouldn't enjoy being treated like a science experiment, and I doubt my husband would either (he'd find ways to turn it into a joke). I think a better option would be to try to find one thing a day to thank your spouse for, something specific, and something that shows that you truly see them. Once that habit begins to take shape, I think that gratitude will start to become second nature. 

In real life, I think this goes beyond a marriage relationship. How much nicer would our work place be if we genuinely and specifically thanked people? How might our kids respond when we thank them earnestly for the ways they help out? Would our friendships grow deeper if we showed gratitude for what they do and their support? It's something that requires so little effort, and yet can make a huge impact on others.

Love and thankfulness go hand-in-hand. One helps the other to grow. Let's be a people who appreciate others and tell them about it!

Photo by Marcus Wöckel: https://www.pexels.com/photo/silver-colored-heart-lock-bridge-883466/

Truth

    I think almost nothing good about myself. It's true. When you tell me something good about myself, I will most likely smile, thank you, and my brain will immediately contradict what you just said. This has been going on for a couple of years now and has become very deep rooted. But I never noticed it. 

    This summer it hit me that these are all of the negative things I think about myself are lies of Satan intended to keep me from being who God wants me to be. I didn't realize how bad it was until my husband said that he needed to be better about finding all the wonderful things about me and telling them to me. Immediately, I told myself, "There's nothing wonderful about you!" I couldn't believe how deep those lies had gotten.

    Satan is the father of lies. He will use any tactic he can to interfere with God's plans for our lives. For some, he might puff them up with arrogance while others he drives into the ground with self-doubt. 

    On the other hand, God is the source of all truth. He's the only One that I should allow to run roots into my heart and mind. Only then will I get an accurate picture of who I am.

    God created me fearfully and wonderfully. I am exactly who He designed me to be. (Psalms 139:13-14)

    God is working on me, and He will keep working on me until I am completed. (Philippians 1:6)

    I have direct access to God and can approach Him with boldness where He will always give me grace. (Hebrews 4:16)

    The Lord is my helper, so I can be confident and not fear. (Hebrews 13:6)

    The Lord is always with me. (Joshua 1:9)

    God's power is made perfect in my weakness, therefore I shouldn't be ashamed of them, but rather allow God to show His power through them. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

    God will renew my strength and bear me up when I feel weary. (Isaiah 40:31)

    I am blessed when I trust in the Lord and place my confidence in Him. (Jeremiah 17:7)

    I should not compare myself with others. (2 Corinthians 10:12)

    God places great value on me and knows everything about me. (Luke 12:7)

    Jesus bought me with His life. (1 Corinthians 6:20)

    God put a plan in place for my life. (Ephesians 2:10)

    My inner self is of great worth to God and is where true beauty lies. (1 Peter 3:3-4)

    God's faithfulness is new every morning - no matter how badly I mess up. (Lamentations 3:22-23)

    Because of God's great love for me, He saved me by grace through faith. (Ephesians 2:4-9)

    Unfortunately, it's not as easy as flipping a switch. I know these things, but I need to really believe them, lean into God, allow Him to transform my thoughts and heal me. Lies can be so damaging, but truth overcomes lies.  

 Photo by Magda Ehlers: https://www.pexels.com/photo/cutouts-of-letters-4116661/

The Missing Ingredients

 Divisive. That seems to be a key word in the past couple of years. Politics, masks, vaccines, policies, schooling, and countless other details of life are places where we can make our stand, have our voice heard, and prove our point. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. We need to be able to take a stand for right, to uplift the downtrodden, and to spread the gospel of Jesus. Yet when I see people taking a stand, there seems to be some missing ingredients.

We get so hung up on our opinions, on the facts and data, on being right, that we forget that there is a person on the other side of our argument. People fling hateful words around criticizing and condemning people who don't think exactly like them forgetting that their words hurt. It's easy on social media and the internet to be anonymous, to not have to see and confront the hurt our words have caused. 

The Bible is clear on how to handle these issues. "Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will." (2 Timothy 2:23-26) Kindness. Gentleness, Patience. Not easy, no, but as children of God we should be producing this fruit as evidence of the Holy Spirit. It is only through the Spirit that we can produce these traits especially when we are facing difficult times. There's a purpose to it though. Our main goal should not be to win the argument, to prove that we are right and they are wrong, but our goal should be that they will have a "knowledge of the truth" and "escape from the snare of the devil".

In 1 Corinthians 13 we see another missing ingredient. "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing." (1 Corinthians 13:1-3) Love. You can have tremendous spiritual gifts, amazing talents, but if it's done without love, it's worthless. After all, the two greatest commandments according to Jesus are to love God and love others. Are we loving those on the other side of our argument or do we hate them? Are our words filled with love, or are they meant to hurt and cause anger? 

If in this world filled with malice, spite, anger, and arrogance, we as Christians could lean into the Holy Spirit and exhibit love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control we would stand above the others as beacons of light - a city on a hill. Can you imagine what a difference it would make? What if instead of firing off verbal shots aimed to hurt, we treated those who disagreed with us with patience and kindness? What if instead of retaliating, we exhibited self-control? What if we were able to calmly explain our position with gentleness? What if in the midst of the chaos we had peace and joy? What if as others yelled hateful things at us, we showed them love beyond comprehension? We can't do it on our own. We need God's help, and then He would be glorified. Our goal in the middle of all the disagreements in this life should not be to win the argument. It should be to bring others to know Christ.

Scripture quotations are from The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Photo by Monstera from Pexels