Recently I read an article that said scientists had done a study and discovered that successful couples say one phrase more often than other couples. While I thought it might be words of encouragement or a simple "I love you", the answer was more simple. They said thank you. It's more than just a casual 'thanks' though. It's about being specific with your gratitude. So saying something like, "Thanks for making dinner tonight. I was really wiped out after such a long day, and it was nice to have dinner ready by the time I got home." Not only does it focus the attention on the good things in the relationship, it's also contagious. It doesn't take long for it to become something that both partners do.
Since the next book in the Holliday Hotel series is the Thanksgiving book, I found this very interesting. Obviously giving thanks and gratitude would have to be a feature in the book, that's a given, but maybe it needs to be a key component, not only of the situations in the plot, but of the relationship between the characters as well. Is it possible that being grateful not only keeps the relationship strong, but can it help someone fall in love in the first place?
What if one of them felt continually unappreciated and struggled with their own value? Then having someone who noticed the things that they did and thanked them for it could get them to take notice of that person. Or maybe a character has only had superficial relationships based on shallow things that can change like looks or wealth. When someone appreciates them for what they do and who they are, they finally feel like someone knows them at a deeper level like they've always wanted. There are lots of ways to incorporate thankfulness into a romance.
It makes sense. When I think about the times I'm most upset with my husband, it's because I'm focusing on myself and all the things that are wrong instead of being grateful for all the things that he does for me and all the blessings that we have together. I truly believe that God had a plan for our relationship and designed for us to be together, so shouldn't I spend more time being grateful?
How can we shift the focus? The article suggested studying your spouse, following them around and taking notes of what they do. Personally, I wouldn't enjoy being treated like a science experiment, and I doubt my husband would either (he'd find ways to turn it into a joke). I think a better option would be to try to find one thing a day to thank your spouse for, something specific, and something that shows that you truly see them. Once that habit begins to take shape, I think that gratitude will start to become second nature.
In real life, I think this goes beyond a marriage relationship. How much nicer would our work place be if we genuinely and specifically thanked people? How might our kids respond when we thank them earnestly for the ways they help out? Would our friendships grow deeper if we showed gratitude for what they do and their support? It's something that requires so little effort, and yet can make a huge impact on others.
Love and thankfulness go hand-in-hand. One helps the other to grow. Let's be a people who appreciate others and tell them about it!
Photo by Marcus Wöckel: https://www.pexels.com/photo/silver-colored-heart-lock-bridge-883466/
