I had the best Mother's Day this year! In the past, I've struggled with this holiday (and I've written blog posts about that as well), but this year, I reclaimed it.
At the end of last year's celebration, I was sitting in a chair, and I sighed. "I hate Mother's Day." To my surprise my teenaged son said, "Me, too." It shocked me, and I realized that I needed to reverse this quickly, or my issues were going to carry down to the next generation, and I didn't want that! The reason why my son hated it is because he felt like nothing they did was good enough for me. (How's that for hitting you in the gut?) But my dislike of the day had nothing to do with my children or their gifts, yet he couldn't see that.
No, it had to do with the way that we celebrate the holiday in my family. Basically, the oldest mom in the family gets to decide what we're doing, and usually the moms end up cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the kids with a gift thrown in for good measure. I hated it! But saying that felt selfish, so now on top of hating it, I felt guilty which only made me hate it more.
As I talked with other moms, I realized that I wasn't alone. This is a holiday that often is celebrated in a way that is the exact opposite of how most mothers would like to spend the day that is supposed to be honoring them.
I looked at my kids and knew I was going to do something different. My oldest is in college. I only have a few years left with my kids before they leave and start their own families. So I booked a weekend getaway for me, my husband, and our children. No one else. We went to a small mountain town, stayed in a cabin with the scent of pines and the tinkling of a small creak in the air. We played games, watched a movie, went for a hike, and it was absolutely lovely!
Here's my opinion. Mother's Day should be about the mothers who are still in the trenches, who are still taking care of their kids day in and day out. Yes, I appreciate my mother, my mother-in-law, and my grandmother. Yes, I value them and want to honor them. But in the process of honoring them, I feel like I've lost nineteen years of Mother's Days, because the holiday was about them, and no one cared about me or what I wanted. (And yes, I know that's not completely true, but that's how it felt.)
I think grandparents day should be a bigger deal than it currently is. I think we need to shower the grandparents on that day, and not just leave it to the schools to do a little something. When we can do that, then we can reserve Mother's Day (and Father's Day) for those with kids at home.
This year I told my kids that when they have their own children, I only want them to come see me on Mother's Day if that is their choice. I want them to do what they want to do to celebrate without any thought for what I want. If they want to give me the grandkids so they can nap and binge watch TV without being interrupted, you better believe I'm happy to do that. If they want a date night with their spouse, just tell me when you want me to babysit, and I'm glad to do it. If they want to take the family out and do something together, good! Enjoy the time! It goes by fast! The fact is, that I had my time, and I missed it. I don't want my children to miss it, too.
Photo by Lisa Fotios: https://www.pexels.com/photo/close-up-photo-of-a-person-s-hand-holding-a-white-mug-4284177/
