Last fall I wrote a blog about making comparisons. A couple months ago, I did a devotion in my women's Bible study on the same topic. Apparently, God's not done with this topic yet. I fall into making comparisons so easily. I know from the feedback I've gotten from other women, that they have the same struggles. The one that hurts me the most is watching women criticize each other about the choices they make as a mother.
From the day you find out that your expecting a baby, life is filled with choices for that child. During pregnancy it's: what should I eat? What should I avoid? Can I exercise? Can I exercise too much? Which hospital? Which doctor? What about pain medication? Home birth? Midwife? Is this normal? The amount of information is overwhelming, too. Books, blogs, articles, friends, family - everyone has an opinion and sometimes it feels like no two are the same.
When the baby is born, there are new questions. Breast or bottle? Should I go back to work or stay home? What about co-sleeping? Vaccinations? And it doesn't stop as the child grows. Organic food? Fast food? Both? Is that possible? What about schooling? Home school? Private school? Public school? What about extracurricular activities? How many should I have them involved in? Which ones are the best for promoting health or intelligence or both? Honestly, it's enough to drive a woman insane.
We are inundated with information. We read, we ask, we think, we pray - and ultimately we make a decision about what we think is right for our family. We develop opinions that we deeply believe in. Then we look at other moms and *gasp* they aren't doing things exactly like we are! How could they choose any differently? After all, we've done the research. We prayed about the decision. Don't they know that they will ruin their children's lives if they do it that way?
The bottom line is this. Most moms want what is best for their families. Most moms are doing the best they can day in and day out.Most moms simply want their children to be healthy and happy, and they are doing what they can to achieve that goal. Yes, they've probably done the research, too, but they have a different background, a different perspective - a different child, and that led them to a different conclusion.
When my first child was born, I started as an on-demand feeder. I fed her whenever she seemed hungry, yet when I took her in for her doctor's appointment, she wasn't gaining weight. My family for some reason has difficulty producing breast milk. I never had a surplus. I never had the ability to pump and have stored milk in the fridge. The doctor told me that she was grazing and by doing that she wasn't allowing my milk to come in fully and therefore she wasn't getting the best nutrition. She advised that I wait at least two hours between feedings. So I did, and my baby was healthier after I became a timed feeder. Yet, I know that were moms who felt I was terrible for making my baby wait. They'd hear me tell her that it wasn't time yet, and they'd give me looks of disgust. What a horrible mother! They didn't understand my history, my situation. I was just trying to do what was best for my child - just like they were.
My friend once loaned me a book called, Help! I'm Being Intimidated by the Proverbs 31 Woman! by Nancy Kennedy. In it, she decides to become the Proverbs 31 woman one verse at a time - with hilarious results. The end result is that we all are trying so hard to be the wife, the mother, the woman we know we need to be, and God gives us grace for the mistakes we're bound to make. What did the "virtuous woman" do? She took care of her husband, fed her family, worked, tended to her family's needs, supported her husband, gave to the needy, prepared for the future, feared the Lord. Isn't that what we're all trying to do? If God can give us grace as we struggle through this life, can't we offer grace to one another?
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